Honest Communication in Healthy Relationships
You cannot have communication without complete honesty. Nobody likes to be lied to and certainly nobody will trust you if they find you have been less than honest in what you have said to them.
Ephesians 4:25 says, "Therefore, putting away lying, Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor, for we are members of one another."
You should always be honest. Honesty is certainly the best policy. However, in saying that, you must remember a few important aspects of honesty Firstly, be sure to speak truthfully in love. Honesty will sometimes be painful; therefore, you should consider being tender and compassionate in what you feel you need to say. You should always consider the person you are speaking with: empathise with them; put yourself in their shoes. How would you feel if you were being told what you are about to tell them?
The second factor to consider is this: determine if it is necessary to say what you are going to say. Some things can go without being said without hurting anyone, others are best left unsaid. I am not speaking about the nonsensical idea of "what they don't know won't hurt them". There are undoubtedly issues that hurt others whether they know it or not, but there are some things which just do not need to be said at all.
Understanding what is said, and having what you have said properly understood, is just as important as being honest. William James said, "There is no greater lie than a truth misunderstood". If you are misunderstood or you misunderstand what others say, you do not have the truth. It is important that you learn to listen to what others are saying, to understand what their meaning is, and also that you speak clearly and are not misunderstood.
How do you achieve this? What can you do to understand others? What can you do to be understood yourself? There are several practical principles to follow such as:
- Listen with empathy: put yourself in their place.
- Listen with respect: they have something to tell you.
- Listen with your ears and heart.
- Listen with genuine ears: listen, do not just 'hear' the words.
- Ask questions if you are unsure.
- Summarize what you thought you just heard them say: repeat it to be sure.
- Use 'I' and not 'you', "I feel like..." not "You make me feel...".
- Interpret statements (Interpret yourself, ask yourself what are they really saying then respond accordingly)
Start learning how to understand what is being said so well that you could translate it to another and be accurate with the content.