Body Language: Be a Good Listener
Does your body language suggest you are a good listener?
You may think you listen when needed (do you?), but how do other people see you? Do they think you are a good listener? Listening skills are necessary for good relationships and critical in many professions, especially those which involve personal relationships and one-to-one situations. In tasks such as counselling someone with problems, or coaching your team members towards success in business, good listening skills allow others to have more confidence in you and help them to feel comfortable in your presence. They will hold you in higher esteem and have a higher opinion of your value to them.
Are you aware that body language has a major influence on how people judge you - even more influence than the words you use? So what are the qualities that make people think that you are a good listener, and inspire confidence in others who speak to you; the belief that you really are listening to them? Your body language, of course!
It doesn't matter whether you are really listening or not: if your body language is wrong people will believe that you are not paying attention to what they are saying. There is nothing more designed to put people off you, and what you are trying to offer them, than the feeling that they are not being listened to and that you are not interested in what they are saying to you.
A poor listener's body language has many of the following characteristics: leaning away or turning away slightly, folded arms, a lack of any response to what they are saying, perhaps some impatient toe tapping, lack of eye contact and frequently looking elsewhere except at the speaker. If someone you are speaking to starts to read something, or speak to someone else while you are talking, then you can be SURE they are not listening!
Quite frankly, if your body language is suggesting that you are not listening to what he is saying, the other person will be less comfortable speaking to you and less likely to want to continue the conversation. You will not be trusted and you will fail in the objective you had at the start of the conversation. This is a good way to destroy a relationship and distance the other person from you.
There is an acronym many people use to remind them of how to show themselves to be good listeners. It is SOLER:
S - Square-on
Face the other person square on. If you turn away you are saying 'I'm not really interested in what you have to say. I am more interested in my point of view'.
O - Open-posture
Folded arms and legs are subconsciously saying that you don't want to hear what the other person has to say. Folded arms are a particularly negative signal.
L - Lean-towards
Never lean away from a person talking to you. It indicates a lack of interest. Always lean towards them if anything. This indicates that you are interested and listening to what he is saying You are getting the meaning, not just hearing the words.
E - Eye-contact
Eye contact is essential It is probably more important than any other signal you send to the speaker. If you keep looking down or away from the speaker, you are sending out a very strong impression of disinterest.
R - Relax
If you look relaxed you will look comfortable in the speaker's presence and in your role of listener. If you are too stiff and formal you will indicate that you are not really interested in hearing everything the other person has to say.
Another 'R' is Response. You appear much more interested in what the other person is saying if your occasionally respond with words such as 'I see', or 'that's good'. Even a negative response such 'I'm not sure I would agree with that point' is better than no response at all.
If you want to improve your relationship with other people, both at work and in your personal life, understand what your listening body language is saying. Adapt and develop it to convey a positive message and make it clear to other people that you are listening to, and are interested in, what they have to say.
Remember SOLER and what the letters mean. Your listening body language can make or break your professional and personal development.